whatever tickles your fancy

My update

2006-12-17T19:15:32Z

Yay this is fun!

I'm sure I'll look back at this in like a year and think that it was all not a big deal...and I think that my life is so blah right now. So school wise everything is great, another semester of all A's and a B..so my GPA has fully recovered from the disaster that was freshman year. I'll start taking some masters level classes next semester even though i'm still techinically an ungrad, graduate in may, then its off to grad school! I'm getting my master's in public health, with a concentration in epidemiology..basically the study of diseases, such as AIDS, cancer, obesity, etc., why people are still getting them, cures, population studies, all that good stuff, hopefully get to travel lots, and make good money. No more OT that was a big change, but I think I made a good choice, and its working out nicely. My job is finally ok now, my mean boss has warmed up to me, shes really anal about everything but it just took awhile to figure out how things work around the office, but I can't complain, the money is good, its easy, and I can study at work, and free pilates sessions. I'm home on break now, just working and going to NYC soon on andrea and I's annual trip for new years, can't wait to get the fuck away from gville for awhile.

Randy is a piece of shit, so yes I finally got my heart broken. Maybe for the first real time? It sucks, I hate it. I've never been the vunerable girl who even put herself in the position to get hurt, and now he already has a new gf, we tried the friends thing, and then once i figured out he was dating someone else, I told him i didn't want to talk to him anymore. This was all on friday. So i being devasted, stayed in bed all day, then finally got my shit together to drive home for the weekend. On the way home just spacing out driving I was in the left hand lane and hit the lip where the left hand lane ends and goes into the shoulder, it spun my car out of control, across traffic and into a ditch on the right hand side of the highway. So it was really scary, but i'm ok..the accent, not so much. It been a bad week, a bad month. Decemeber never really is a good month for me. I always feel like I come home needing to be taken in and surrounded by family, because life has become too much. Last year it was jason, and the nightstand incident, trying to manage 2 jobs, and still take finals, and somehow holding it all together. Maybe the new year will bring lots of good things...but I guess its not all so bad, I have amazing friends and family who have really been there for me..so we shall see...always optimistic!

I don't feel like studying...

2005-03-23T02:57:49Z

LAST PERSON WHO...
x. Slept in your bed: me, and person besdies me was roemer

x. Saw you cry: hmm i think my boss when i came into work after my whole driving fiasco

x. Spent the night with: jon george

x. You went to the movies with: hmm i don't know..i guess jen, nick, and the roomies when we saw closer, i never go to the movies

x. You went to the mall with: andrea yesterday, and by myself today

x. Sent you an email: my dad

HAVE YOU EVER...
x. Said "I ...Love You" and meant it: yeah

x. Gotten in a fight with your pet: lol maddie and i used to fight on a daily basis, and she would slap me in the face..aww she was the best cat

x. Been to New York? yeah, i was sick and young though

x. Florida: yea i live here
x. California: yup
x. Canada: no

x. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: yea it happens a lot

x. Had an imaginary friend: i had an imaginary dog

RANDOM...
x. Red or blue: red
x. Spring or Fall: spring..the clothes are so much better in spring

x. Are you bored: not really

x. Last noise you heard: kara talking

x. Last time you went out of the state: this summer

x. Do you have a crush on someone: always

x. What book are you reading now: school books..i wish i had time to actually read for fun

x. What is the first thing you think when you wake up: how much longer i can lay in bed before i'm late

x. How many rings before you answer: whenever i get to it
x. Future daughter's name: whatever is trendy at the time..i don't really think about it, i should be pregnant first

x. Future son's name:

x. you sleep with a stuffed animal: gato, every night

x. If you could have any ...job you wanted, what would it be: stylist or designer, or doctor, or OT..which is what i'm going for

x. Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous: Righty

x. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys: no

x. What's under your bed: who even knows anymore, so much random shit

x. College plans: graduate, get into grad school somewhere and get my masters

x. Piercings: ears and stomach

x. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: 2 weeks strong on the boy ban..haha

EXTRA STUFF
x. Do you do drugs: no

x. Do you drink: haha oh yes

x. Who is your best friend: they know who they are

x. What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use: thermasilk, herbal essesce, dove, big sexy hair, i like to change it up

x. What are you most scared of: failure
x. What clothes do you sleep in: depends, usually pj pants and a tee shirt

x. Who is the last person who called you: roemer

x. Where do you want to get married: in a botanical garden..or a big hotel

x. Favorite number: 7
x. Are you timely or always late: i try to be on time

x. Do you have a ...job: 2 now..express and panera
x. Do you like being around people: yea, i thought i was going to go insane when all my roomies were gone

x. Best feeling in the world: when everything is going right

x. Worst feeling in the world: something bad happening to you or someone you care about

x. Are you a health freak: yea, i try not to be too OCD though

SHITTY STUFF
x. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: yup

x. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: of course

x. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: no my taste is pretty random, is more of how the person carries themselves

x. Ever afraid you'll never get married: not really, it will happen i guess

x. Ever want kids?: yes

FAVORITE
x. Room in house: mine

x. Memory: theres so many, stuff with my family

x. Day of the week: any but wednesday

x. Color: pink!

IN THE LAST 72 HOURS, HAVE YOU...
x. Cried: nope

x. Sung: yes

x. Said "I love you" and meant it? yeah

x. Wanted to tell someone you loved them: yea

x. Met someone new: yes

x. Moved on: yes

x. Missed someone: yea...lots :(

x. Hugged someone: yeah

x. Kissed someone: lol yes

x. Fought with your parents: nope

x. Dreamt about someone you can't be with: yes

x. Had a lot of sleep: no, i wish i did

HAVE YOU EVER...
x. Been drunk: yes...many a time

x. Smoked pot: yea

x. Kissed a member of the opposite sex: yeah

x. Kissed a member of the same sex: yeah

x. Crashed a friend's car: no

x. Ridden in a taxi: yes

x. Been in love: yea

x. Had sex in public: lol yup
x. Been dumped: yes :(

x. Shoplifted: haha..oh burdines

x. Been fired: nope

x. Been in a fist fight: no a fist fight, but i've fought my sister
x. Pissed on myself: lol yea..i was drunk and peed on my foot

x. Been arrested:nope

x. Made out with a stranger: yes

x. Celebrated New Years in Time Square: its on the list of things to do

x. Gone on a blind date: no

x. Lied to a friend: yeah

x. Had a crush on a teacher: if TA's count

x. Been to Europe: this summer!
x. Skipped school: yea, not so much anymore though

x. Cut myself on purpose: no, i do it a lot on accident though

x. Been married: one day

x. Had children: some day

x. Stripped at a party: no, not completely

x. Jumped off a bridge: no

x. Gone surfing: yup, not as easy as it looks

x. Had a mullet: 7th grade

x. Peed in public: yea, lots..when you gotta go, you gotta go

My Wish List

2004-12-03T18:32:52Z

Sex and the City- any season..but i haven't seen 2 or 3 yet or the 2nd half of six...they're cheap on amazon, like 20 bucks used.

A fur accessory..purse, scarf, you know.

these shoes..http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/jump.jsp?itemID=7351&itemType=PRODUCT&wshoes041122&5..size 8, in black.

sweaters..no turtle necks, or ones that are too off the shoulders (they fall off), i like green, pink, plum, anything bright, there's this toggle one at target i've been eyeing..crochet kind of looking, its like a jacket/sweater type thing.

anything plum colored so it will match my new purse.

pj pants

a long necklace that you can wrap around your neck..i don't know how to describe them, but i'm sure they have them at any store like claires.

Are u happy i posted now dear? I don't really know what i want, i like anything thats fun..framed pics are always good too, i need more recent ones cause all of mine in my room are old, and i want lauren to be at our dinner!!! We need to plan so we can all be together, or i will be sad :( I'll be home the 16th or 17th miss you guys and good luck on finals!!

laurens961 @ 2004-05-30T17:25:00

2004-05-30T21:38:46Z

I get a call about 10 mins ago from a 352 number...which is gainesville. I just figured it was someones number i hadn't put into my phone, so i pick up, and its sean "i just wanted to call so you have my new number, and to show you i am serious about moving to gainesville" I really didn't know what to say. Is it wrong to feel weird about him moving there? I just feel like we've lived these seperate lives, and now we're going to be living in the same city, going to the same school. I want to be happy for him, and i am glad that he is happy now, and picking up the pieces of his life. But i can't help but wonder if things will be the way they used to be, and we not end up being friends. I just thought it would never happen, guess we'll see how it goes.
Jen and I are going to dinner tonight, olive garden..yum. Last night was kinda boring, nothing to do here. I miss trying to decide what party to go to, and how we were going to fit everything in. Its been nice relaxing though. I watched two movies today, which is rare, i usually can't sit and watch movies. Crazy/Beautiful was good. And some other movie with Kristen Dunst in an all girls school, that was good too. Man i love oxygen.
I'm almost positive i want to go to boston on the 11th-13th. I don't really have the money right now, but i'm sure my parents will let me pay them back later. I just want to go do something new, and see andrea. Everyone tells me its an awesome city. Nothing else is really new, had a good time with the fam this weekend, ate burgers, hung out with my sis. Off to watch more tv.

big kid now

2004-05-26T02:52:24Z

The new job is fun. I have my own office, get to wear professional clothes, and have real stuff to do. Its quite a change from the slums of panera. Its nice to work with professional people, and not have to deal with all the stupid things that you get a panera. However, i definetly think i have made a good choice about what i want to do with the rest of my life. Sitting in an office, the rest of my life, for 8 hours a day is my idea of hell. It is kind of boring at times, and redundant. But it is good money, and i will probably not have to work much next year, and i will make enough to rush, so that is a huuge relief.
My sister is coming this weekend yay! Last weekend me and madre had a major shopping spree. Its what i needed, after the whole andy fisaco. I got the hottest pair of shoes to reard myself for being strong, i think it should be my new routine, who needs boys when you can have shoes?
Katie and I went to Fridays today for dinner, to say goodbye before she leaves to study abroad in Dublin, I'm gonna miss her. She's like my personal motivational speaker lol. Its only 6 weeks though. I got hit on in the parking lot by some guy, he came up to my car and said i know i'm a stranger but i just had to tell you that you are hot. Weird..but it was nice to hear.
I feel like an old lady, up at 6 30, in bed by 11...which means i better take out the dog we're watching and hit the sack. Its our last night to spoon :(

ello deas!

2004-05-20T15:38:48Z

I went for my drugtest today...peeing with people outside the door was kinda weird, i've never had a prblem peeing but it made me all scared today. But i should start the new job monday, i'm excited, and i get to wear cute business clothes. Shopping this weekend!
I'm going to gville tommorow. I have lots of errands to run there, including paying off parking tickets, i wish i wasn't so lazy sometimes, but oh well, lesson learned. I can't wait to go to moes, its probably my favorite meal, and only 3 bucks.
I'm off to the pool, enjoying the last few days of being a lazy piece of shit.

GOOD 'OLE MELBOURNE

2004-05-18T04:36:26Z

Just some random thoughts..
You know you're back in melbourne when
+there are people wearing diapers at a club
+gang fights
+you're drinking in the walmart parking lot
+your life revolves around good tv shows
+you wake up at 12
+you're poor cause its impossible to get a job..grr
+the only options to go out are food or movies
+you would do just about anything for a cold bud light

I'm so bored lately its ridiculous. I miss gainesville, my friends, andy, hell i even miss class. But its not all bad here, I missed everyone at home. Some good times so far. The cheeks aren't getting any better, i'm starting to get black and blue, so not only are they fat, but now discolored. Had another interview today. I think it went well, i had to take a test, and then this personality thing online that took like 2 hours, hopefully i'll get a job soon. I need money soo bad!! My mom got a letter today about the 100 bucks I owe in parking tickets, she wasn't too happy. I guess i should start updating more, but i have nothing exciting most of the time, but it is fun to look back at old entries.

Boys suck. Thats my conclusion. Everyone is having luck but me, but thats how it always goes. Haven't talked to andy in two weeks..boo. My mom found his shirt last night in my stuff..haha whoops. Sean is stupid too. I caught him lying, but i didn't call him out on it, but i should of. I think he's the most dependent person i've ever met. He has never been more than a week without some type of girl. I'm just the filler girl, to talk to while he finds another, so stupid for listening to his bullshit. But I do cause i care, maybe i'll get some good karma out of it.
Time to give the lj a facelift, i wish i new how to make an icon, but i'm retarded like that

"You were the last good thing about this part of town..."

2004-04-23T17:27:00Z

"Maybe getting over someone you're in love with isn't impossible. Unless, maybe you don't actually get over it. Maybe you just learn to live with it."

He called me last night, after him and his ex had it out. He broke his hand punching a wall. He started smoking weed again, his life is a mess. We hadn't been talking because he dosen't want to hear what i have to say, he just pushed me away. He called to tell me he loves me. He told me i was the most amazing person he'd ever met, and he's just settling now. It wasn't a plea for us, more of like a i need to tell you this. It made me cry, I don't cry, espically over guys, he could make me cry in less than 30 seconds. So four years later, almost to the date when we met, we still love each other. We still run to each other. He told me not to settle for less than i deserve, but maybe thats what i've been doing. Well obviously, but i don't want to give up on andy yet. I have this stupid desire to want to help everyone. I want to show him, i want him to be able to experience the things i have. We stayed up until 8 in the morning, talking, about the future, about our pasts, friend and family. He makes my head hurt with confusion. I never did want the nice guy. So that is my ranting about boys..haha the usual. But I have other things to focus on today. My last final is tommorow, where this year went i don't know, it went by too fast, but it was amazing. Maybe one of the best years of my life so far. Yesterday i layed in the sun all day, watched a movie at andys, and went to starbucks all night. Katie and I had fun, being goofy, and "studying". Tonight is the last dinner of the year with all the girls. I'm going to miss them, but i know i have 3 other best friends at home, and we have a whole summer waiting for us. I woke up to am IM from a guy i met a party. He asked for my screenname, which was odd. He had me draw a picture, and then he analyzed it. It was excatly me, and then he admitted to being metrosexual, and his hotness got cut in half. Thats just something you don't say. So much to do today, moving out blows.

laurens961 @ 2004-04-16T21:26:00

2004-04-17T01:36:58Z

It was quite the eventful week so far. Tuesday we went to see less than jake play. Bigz is the bassist...he and andrea had a "thing" but because he's famous kinda, and she works at the label we had to keep it hush hush, so he is bigz. Anyway, we pregamed with Ty, we haven't hung out with him for months, but i decdied i'm a fan. He bought us vodka and offered to drive. The show was really good, i thought i would hate it because its not really my thing. I saw Johnathan Mushill from eg there...i don't really remember our convo, hopefully nothing to vulgar. Wednesday i stayed in, stayed up all night doing lab reports. So thursday i had a lab final. As i was walking out i looked in my book to see if i got a question right i had guessed on. I happen to be walking down stairs as i'm doing it, and bam...i ate shit. There's never anyone in this buliding but there just happened to be 3 people behind me who saw the whole thing. I was mortified, and it hurt like a bitch. So after a painful day, i went to the infirmary, not broken but i tore ligaments, and i'm on cruches now. I carried them the whole way home...those things hurt, and are not cute. Perhaps i will give them another go tommorow. I just got back from friday's, its grace's bday, and we're changing to get ready to party it up. 9 more days till home :)

laurens961 @ 2004-04-15T00:38:00

2004-04-15T04:41:29Z

You Are Most Like Carrie!

You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date.

But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal?

It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky.

Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a
great closet of clothes, no matter what!

Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year...

Totally different from any guy you've dated.

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You Most Like?
Take This Quiz Right Now!

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

easter fun

2004-04-13T17:30:36Z

My sister game to gainesville on thursday, and i was awoken by a nice call on friday morning by her. Good thing she called because i forgot to move my car the night before, and i could of gotten the boot again, and another 25 dollar ticket. I still have 100 dollars to pay off. Thursday was taylor's bday, we had cake and presents, good times. But anyway my sister came over and we got ready and i took her to class with me. Then we went to swamp and had cheeseburgers yum yum. That night I went to a party with all the girls, and then we ended up at gator city once again. I saw the boys from my floor, they were wasted. I didn't drink on friday because i knew i had to drive home early, and we didn't want a repeat of the thanksgiving hangover from hell. So we somehow wandered into the club next door through a secret door, and oohh man it was 80s night. Probably the one of the funnest times i've ever had in a club. Rocking out to 80s all night long. Definetly going back this week. My sister and I drove back to melbourne at the buttcrack of dawn, made a starbucks pit stop, and layed around all day. We had family picnic at wickham park, not as bad as i thought, even though i totally predicted it. We had a safari with the geese and they came charging at the car. Sunday morning we woke up and did easter baskets, i went to the pool and got some much needed sun, and then we had family dinner and celebrated grannys bday. All in all a good weekend home. I will be back home for good in 2 weeks, and living in the scary room. I got an unexpected call on sunday, from a friend. I don't know what to make of it...just trouble i'm thinking. He has a girlfriend, who used to be a very good friend of mine. I never called him back, so lets hope he won't call me. I have a new intrest anyway :). Ahh Jay, he's kind of not my type, but who knows. He has blue eyes and dark hair, my ultimate weakness. We hung out for a little on friday, and we were invited to his friends party this friday. He was play ping pong when we left, so he called me on the way home to say goodbye..aww. So all is good in gville, trying to register for next fall is no fun. All my classes are filled. Finals next week...hopefully i can pull out some a's, that would be nice. I'm off for a run..2 easter bunnies in one day, not so good.

long time no post

2004-04-05T05:17:32Z

I haven't felt like writing, or maybe i'm just too lazy. Things have been going pretty good though. School is almost over, it went too fast. This semester has been so much better than the last. I finally learned how to manage everything and not have nervous breakdowns because of tests. I love it here, i can't wait until next year. I learned a lot about myself this year, and other people. A lot of things have happened, but i think when its all said and done, it all happened for a reason, and makes us stronger. I decided i have the best friends ever. Not only the ones at home, but then new ones here. I used to feel kinda like the outisder of the group, but now i feel like i belong and its like family. Its weird how moving away really shows you about people. I've just been very content with the place i am at right now. 3 more weeks and i will be home for the whole summer. I'm really excited, I miss home. I'm sick of being poor and eating saltines as meals. I really hope i get a job at patrick, it will be good times working with my dad, and it will pay really well. I miss the beach, my own room, all that good stuff you take for granted. Its Taylors birthday on friday..and i'm going to go get him a cheesecake from cheesecake factory on tues..but i have no other ideas for what to get him...any suggestions??
I'm tired, this spring forward nonsense kicked my ass today, so good night everyone :)

I read this is my philosophy book today, and thought it was a good quote..."I sometimes describe myself as a rubber ball, I've been pushed down sometimes to where I'm almost flat, but I've always been able to bounce back."

laurens961 @ 2004-02-08T01:01:00

2004-02-08T06:07:40Z

Today was one of those days you never want to have to go through again. I was so shocked by what happened. Things like this shouldn't happen to my friends, it hurts that i can't do anything for lauren. I wish i could make it all go away for her. I'm sorry, we all love you so much, and you know if you ever need something to call. I think i realized today how much more like family we all are than friends. I don't know what i would do without you.

long overdue...

2004-02-03T22:07:45Z

For an update. Things have been going good. This semester everything is much more balanced, school, work, parties, boys, and whatnot. I have my first big test tommorow, i think i'll do ok though, its in pyschology, and half the class is athletes, so i'm guessing thats a good sign. I guess i've been doing good in school, a's on my philosophy quzzies, but most of my classes only have 2 or 3 tests. I've only missed class twice so far, yay for me. I spent the entire day in the infirmary to find out whats wrong with me. I got tested for mono but that came out negative, thank god. So now i'm all drugged up, and hopefully i will be back to normal in a few days. I've been sick since finals, its no fun waking up everyday and feeling like shit. I work again today, but i got new shirts, so thats kinda of exciting. Jen and ashley are coming up this weekend, its going to be soo much fun. They might bring some of their guy friends from pi kapp(seans frat) up with them too, so that should be intresting. Things with andy are good. We had a misunderstanding the other weekend, and i was kinda mad, but its all good now. Maybe i will see him this weekend, at least i hope. I met some more of his friends last weekend, so i guess its usually a good sign when you meet all the friends. And his roommate was like where have u been lately...so maybe he talked to him about me too, who knows? My new friend in class got his tounge pierced this weekend, and he got really excited when i told him i'm half colombain. He was like man i love colombian girls, all my ex's are. Hes kinda short though, so thats a negative, but still cute in that spanish boy sort of way. The weekend home was nice. It went too fast. It got off to a bad start, and i wasn't my usual chipper self. But i really missed everyone so it was good in that sense. I'm going to try to come home for part of spring break, so maybe we will have more time to hang out. Sorry lauren and leyla for ditching on the movies, but i wasn't feeling well, and just wanted to spend time with the family. Hmm i guess thats all the updates for now, and i need to get ready for work.

laurens961 @ 2004-01-17T12:42:00

2004-01-17T17:46:04Z

I have pics from last night i want to post...but i'm stupid and don't know how...can someone instruct me??

o-town

2004-01-09T21:40:57Z

Last night was amazing to say the least. I'm so glad i decided to be spontaneous and go to orlando. I met up with jen and ash and we went to the dining hall for some food..actually pretty good. Then we all got ready and caught up on things. After that it was off to downtown. We went to antigua first just to get in free and left for Bar Orlando. We were talking to the guy at the door and jen was like how much for a band? Shes like how about 10 bucks, i'll slip it on your pocket. So she put her hand in his pocket, he gives me a band, but we gave him no money. hahahah we beat the system. The boys from the apt that we were hanging out with before met up with us at bar orlando. It was matt martin, and some other kids matt martin went to mel high, but they were all so nice, and really cute. We danced the night away on the bar, and got the fire extingushers blow up our skirts...thats quite the experience. I decided i like going when a boy is with us, i feel much more secure. I almost left out the best part of the night...i call sean to tell him i'm in town, see if he wants to hang out, and he tells me him and his girlfriend broke up 2 weeks ago..i was like whoa. I was really happy about it for some reason, i'm afarid of what might happen between us, after all that has before, i wonder if it would work. So we're supposed to talk tonight, I just don't know what to think. So all in all a very good night, i left at 7 to make it to class, but traffic was bad, so i missed it...whoops. Its still drop/add though so i guess it dosen't really count. I'm off to work...trendy bread awaits, i really don't see peoples obsession with the place, its not that good.

where's lauren when you need her?

2004-01-07T07:04:35Z

I have no one to vent to..so the journal is going to have to do for now. First off i can't sleep because my roommate is annoying the living shit out of me. She has cleared her throat over 40 times in the last 45 mins...it has become like my number one pet peeve. But anyway..i get a voicemail today from andrea..and then i realize i have a saved message, that i didn't even know i saved. Its from sean on new years eve..here's how it goes" hey i just wanted to wish you a happy new year, hope everything is going good for you, call me when you get this, bye, i love you." I love you????!!!!!!! WTF??? I missed that the first time around, what does that mean? Was it on mistake, was he just drunk? I really need to know, asap. We have been talking a lot lately, about how we still care about each other, and if we made a mistake or not. But its never been said like that. I do wonder sometimes though, if he's the one who got away. Everyone else i've dated since him as just hasn't lived up. I've never even come close to caring about someone the way i did about him. And really when you think about it, we only broke up because of the distance, not because we fell out of love. When we kissed, even after 2 years, it was like nothing had changed. He probably knows me better than anyone else has, and vise versa. But does it work the second time? What if i never find anything better? Its confusing me so much right now :(. Maybe just because i'm alone, but maybe not. I have been with people and still felt this way about him. Its always the bad ones that get me. He has a gf though...but he did call me at midnight. He kissed me when they were together. Anyone have some suggestions???

my poor neglected journal

2003-12-31T04:25:25Z

so basically i've just been to lazy to update. I've been home for about a week and a half now. Its nice, my mom spoils me. Real food is my favorite, i don't know how i lived on what i ate before. My sister just left a couple days ago..i miss her already. She brought my new boyfriend home with her..Henry!! Henry is the best, he's cute, he cuddles, and he likes when i scratch his butt haha. He's a guinea pig, the best pet ever. Well, the best pet this family has seen. Christmas was amazing. One of my favorite of all time. It was all about family and being together, what christmas should be. I got a lot of presents, i wasn't expecting it all. I can't wait to put my new digital camera to use. You guys still need to send me pics from our night out! haha that was fun, we need to get together again before everyone goes back to school. I hung out with dawn today, it was fun, i miss her so much. We always have a good time together, and i made her watch like 10 episodes of rich girls, and my mom made us turkey..yum. Hm what else? I hung out with david a few times. I don't think we will be talking much anymore. He's clearly not ready for a friendship, its hard for both of us. Imagine having to see how much you hurt this nice person and the effect your actions have, its not fun. He's still in love with me which makes it all the more impossible. Who knows where we will end up, but he is a nice boy, even if i want to kill him sometimes. I've been talking to sean a lot. Its nice to reminecse about things. I always wonder if i'll find someone else i loved as much as him, or someone that i have that connection with. Everyone so far as failed to match up, or maybe i just expect too much..who knows. I'll keep looking.

I feel like shit right now. I hope i feel better for tommorow. I'm excited about getting dressed up. Cute clothers, alcohol, friends, what more do ya need? I decided my new love is high heels and jeans. I'm addicted. I just watched the final episode of rich girls with my mom...i love that show. Theres not much else going on. I just sit around all day, watch some tv, and sleep. Its very relaxing, i don't even want to think about how stressed i'll be when school starts. I better enjoy it while i can.

blah...

2003-12-16T03:58:46Z

Thats just how i feel. I want to run home and get a hug from my mom. I've never been so stressed and upset. I don't think i did well enough on my final today to keep a B, unless we get a hell of a curve. FUCK THIS SHIT! I'm so over school. I miss my family and friends at home. I'm tired of trying my best and getting bad results. I'm sick of boys who fuck with my feelings. I'm sick of people who piss me off. I'm sick of sharing a room. Don't u eever just want to get away, and not have to be around someone...yea i never get that! I'm going a little insane. Its all over tommorow thank god. I'm taking myself shopping, i need something to relax me, and that always does the trick, even if i don't buy anything, because i really don't have the money too. Next semester is going to be different. No more going out so much, i guess thats the general feeling after your first semester but i really have to do well. Anyway, i need to go study more, last final tommorow.

finals!!

2003-12-13T14:57:32Z

So i spent all day studying for my chem final. I need 14 our of 26 questions right to maintain my C. I will be satisfied with that, considering its probably the hardest freshman class at UF. I somehow managed to get one of the hardest teachers, who think textbooks are shit...so he writes his own every year for his classes, this man is a genius. As much as i hated the class i think i learned a lot, and i hope i do well today. I'm up early for some reason, i guess all the nervousness. I got my first xmas presents yesterday. Andrea got me tiki mugs from urban outfitters...i love them, it was a perfect gift. They're going to be our new party cups, no more dixie cups for me! Kara made us all personalized shot glasses, mine is zebra. I love Kara, shes so cute and funny, as lauren and i would say shes got spunk. I'm really not that much of an alcoholic...ok maybe, but i've been good lately. I will be so happy when this day is over, i have to go shopping, so many things to get for people. Oh yea i'm coming home wednesday morning!!! We are doing birthdays tonight, so my arrival will be sonner than expected. Hope everyone is feeling better...and i'm off to look over my notes again.

sometimes i think i go to far...

2003-12-12T06:09:39Z

I don't know why i try to please everyone...including myself. Like why did i go to work today, i was obviously in no condition to work..but i did anyway. Why am i staying for andreas birthday, my mom took off two days to spend with us, and i'm going to be here, why can't i just tell her no. My roommate has been really uspet, i feel so bad for her, i don't really know what to say. She tells me that sometimes she just wants to die. So i'm going to make the effort to spend more time with her. We're going to the library tommorow and study like maniacs. I need a 150/270 on my chem test to get a C...maybe a B, because if i do that well then he might bump my grade to a B...our test is only out of 200 but theres 270 possible points, so lets pray for lauren.
I called my mom today, i miss her. I wish she was here now to take care of me like she always does. I think sometimes i'm so grown up, but really i'm still so dependent on her. I call her about everything, i'm really glad i have parents like i do. I think they would love me no matter what i did, and they've always been the "cool" parents. I don't have to hide things from them which is nice, and i can be myself. I think its sad to see people, who's parents don't even know who they are. I know it sounds corny and all but i really do want to be like them. My mom is so loving and caring, and my dad is probably the most selfless person ever. I hope that i am a good parent, they did a good job with my sister and I. I think that david talking to me actually was good. Yea he pisses me off, and i think he's wrong, but i think some of the things i've been doing aren't things i want to do for myself. Like andy...it was fun, but its getting old now. I want to be treated a certain way, and he's not treating me like that. I want to be the girl you call as soon as you get home to talk about the day, not the girl you call when you get home from the bar to fuck, ya know? He's an amazing guy, and he makes me laugh so much, but i think he would be a better friend. I jsut want to show him all girls aren't heartless bitches, and that i'm not out to hurt him.
By the way...let me just say how much i love rich girls. I totally relate to them. I like get freaked out because i don't know what to do with the rest of my life like ally. Its just normal people our age, who just happen to be flithy rich, but i like them. Because they realize that they are fortunate, and aren't just stuck up and like ohh yea i'm tommy hilfigers daughter. But anyway this entry was really random...and i need to get to bed, and study some. Sweet dreams all.

a day in the life of me...

2003-12-10T23:50:22Z

I wake up at about 10 and watch reruns of dawsons creek till i decide to get out of bed. Its on the season when i missed a lot of espisodes, so i am enjoying seeing them for the first time. I got showered and ready and went to see my chemistry lab TA. She informs me i am 45 points away from an A and have to take the final...grrrrr. The final is out of 120 pts, so techincally i have to fail to get an A in the class...but it would of been nice not to have to worry about it. I'm sick, my throat is killing me, and i'm beginning to sound like a man. I about passed out today walking up 3 flights of stairs. I decided to treat myself to a smoothie, even though they're 5 dollars, it was worth it. I saw my friend ben baker...not the other ben...on my way home, he's so cute i just want to squeeze him. He has one of those animated faces and a good smile. I sold my eco book back for $61 yes! I love selling my books back...its technically free money since i get money for books from bright futures. I think i will go shopping on the 17th..and get some good presents since i will have some extra money now. I attempted to make real fries, like out of a potato...but i don't have a cookie sheet. I got a stroke of genius and decided to put them on the foreman...not such a good idea, i got impatient after about 30 mins and just ate them halfway raw. I put cayenne pepper on them, i wasn't aware of how hot that shit is...i drank about 2 bottles of water after that. Then i went to taylors room, we were supposed to study for our final tonight. I asked him to print me out a copy of the practice test since i was in his room and my printer ran out of ink. He was being such a jackass and wouldn't do it, and said he didn't need me to study with him..so i left. He's been on a power trip lately, too many protien shakes again. I think he gets off on being a jerk, and sometimes i just want to slap him. When he tied me up in ducktape and shoved dirty socks in my mouth was my breaking point, i'm so sick of him acting like we're 10.
By the way...let me just say how much i HATE ignorant people. My roommate brought a friend over today and she was telling me how they were on the bus and this lady was coughing. And she dosen't like germs, so she asked the lady if she was sick and the lady says no. Mind you this is a big black girl talking with arms failing and hip out with flagrant head bobbing. So because the lady tells her shes not sick..she assumes that she has aids. Because she has a shaved head, is "dyke-looking", and was wearing shorts. I was just like umm...maybe she has cancer, and just went through kemo..its not like you can spot a person with aids. It make me so mad, like who is she to think just because someone appears to be gay that they have aids..its 2003 are people still that ignorant. I wanted to go off, but i just simply said i doubt it. I need to go back to studying...i love finals...like i love a bad hangover.

its christmas time in chai cities...

2003-12-08T04:49:33Z

lol leyla remember that? I talked to my daddy today it was his birthday...aw i miss pops. I got him a really mushy card though. I can't wait till this week is over and i can go home yay! 3 weeks with no work, no school, NOTHING!! So for the wish list...

scarves
acessories
clothes
...ok so maybe a little harder than i thought, i'll have to get back to that one, i don't really want much, my parents have gotten me everything i wanted i think. But i'm easy to shop for, i like anything girly and clothes are always a safe bet....ooo wait i know..i need pjs, like pj pants. I'll be home either the 13th or 16th, so see everyone soon :) xoxo

one weird night...

2003-12-06T18:31:46Z

I don't know what to make of last night. It was kind of off putting. We went to a party with andy. It was pretty fun, it was a lacross party for the uf and fsu players. I ended up seeing one of my friends from work..and dave. Dave is the hottest thing you've ever seen...baby blue eyes and dark hair...ahhhh. He got my number, so maybe he will call tonight, maybe not, but it was nice catching up anyway. I saw Jessica too...my other friend from the summer, and we're both pre-ot majors so we'll have classes together next semester. I met some other people, and all american baseball player, and andys hot cousin. Who knew the hottness ran in the family? So we went back to andys and somehow got talked into playing strip beer pong. We won of course, and then we played spin the phone...at this point it is andy and 3 girls. It got a little out of hand. We went to his room and watched a bunch of bad porn..it was funny though. Grace was like all over him last night, I don't know why but it bothered me so much. I just don't like other people getting attention from him, and then she definetly made out with him in front of my face...and i was like wtf, they all know how i feel about him. So she finally went to sleep, and so did katie, adn then i just felt weird. Like i wanted to take a shower and get out of there, i've never gotten that feeling from him before until last night, so he's got some negative points. I think his perfection made be fading...he was kind of being a dick. And i was kinda mad about how grace was all over him, and was like man i want to hook up...who does that? I liked things the way they were, but i'm looking for new prospects now, i'm tired of being let down by him. So that was the night...cliche college experience, i'm going running now...i feel like i need to sweat out the nastiness.

one semester down...

2003-12-03T16:20:55Z

7 to go. I feel like i haven't really accomplished much this semester. I've made new friends, gotten drunk too many times than i care to remember, and pulled several all nighters. But really what have i done. I managed to get medicore grades, an a, 2b+'s and a c. I had to drop a class. I go to one of the most competitive schools...grades like that aren't going to fly for much longer. I came to the harsh reality that medical school and I just aren't destined to be. I think everyone comes to school with dreams of being a doctor or something of the sort, and learns quickly its a lot harder than it seems. I feel like i've let some of the people i care about most slip away, and lost touch with many. I have figured out who my true friends are, but i always knew that anyway. I realized how much i rely on my family, and how close we really are. I want next semester to be different, i want to get involved. I've tried to fill a void left by boyfriends of the past 4 years, i don't want to fill it anymore, i want to live without it. Theres so much i've learned but still so much more to learn. But moving on, it was good to go home. I missed everyone, espically my sister. I had a lot of fun with my family, and thanksgiving was one of the best in awhile. I didn't really get much time to see my friends, but its ok because i will be home for a long time for thanksgiving. I went shopping in orlando, always makes me happy :). I'm stressed about finals...i don't think i've ever taken tests that mean this much..ahhh. I saw a lot of people from school over the break...i just can't imagine living at home. I'm not saying anything bad about anyone who has chosen to..but its just not what i would want to do. I really needed to get away from melbourne. I did enjoy james parsons this weekend...he's so sweet, no wonder alishia is so happy with him, we had a good convo, they might be visiting this weekend. Jen is coming on saturday too...i have to introduce her to everyone, since she might transfer here. My roommate has been spending the night at her friends apt all week..its nice, i like not having anyone around, haha. We had a sleepover at taylors a couple nights ago...I have to go to class...to be continued